Moving2Ecuador

Today was a momentous day. I packed up my office of six years and removed every bit of me form that office, said goodbye to a day-full of patients and walked away. There had been a farewell luncheon with my colleagues two weeks ago, where I was able to talk about the year in Ecuador and thank everyone. I felt very appreciative that day; my colleagues have been helpful allies these past years, referring patients, sharing advice, offering an ear when I sorely needed to be heard. It is odd that while individually I have excellent relationships with my colleagues, as a group we have not been particularly functional, especially in the past three years. When overwhelmed with frustration, one year ago, I opened a new office a few miles away, where I work three days a week. I have loved my new office, where I have no employees, and I take care of every role in the office, from secretary to receptionist to billing person to medical doctor, and I have been very happy and never frustrated in thi...

I am existing in at least two realities at present. On the one hand, all the disparate pieces involved in our move to Ecuador are coming together and we are on track to leave in early August. On the other hand, I am feeling overwhelmed and astonished at how far behind I am in readying the house and wonder if I can actually do it. When I am away in Canada or Cape Cod or wherever I manage to escape for a short time, I look at our progress from afar and we seem to be fine. Occasionally Eric gets that 'deer in the headlights' look and I panic momentarily and feel paralyzed. I could not sleep last night after coming home late and finding myself behind on my own personal schedule. My friend Daphne volunteered to come over and help pack tonight while the children watched 'Starwars' and that seemed like a good idea. I bought boxes at our storage unit and was home when Maya finished ballet. I cooked lasagna while Maya practiced violin and had the table set and ready when Daphne ...

Another long journey home. I have taken Airtran to and from Boston these past two weekends and every flight has been delayed. Either it is the weather or a medical problem in the prior flight or some other excuse. I guess you get what you pay for, since I did get remarkably good prices for these flights. I am trying to train myself to adjust to a world where time does not have the significance that it has in the life I have been accustomed to. Traveling to Ecuador has always required a suspension of any expectation that schedules will be followed or that we will arrive anywhere on time. With the students we are woken up incredibly early with the expectation that we will catch a plane at a particular hour, and invariably we will arrive at the airport and wait. No one ever knows what the schedule really is, and we must simply accept that eventually we will arrive at our destination. Nothing ever happens as expected, but often the waiting can be entertaining and we can see and experience ...

I have made a final decision about our departure date for Ecuador. August 5, a little over a month from now. I wanted to leave earlier and focus a few weeks on learning Spanish and finding a place to live before Eric arrives mid-August. But with my passport arriving the third week of July, I did not want to be desperate if it arrives late, and I have been advised that it is better to get my visa before I go, and that it will take just a drive to DC and back in a day to accomplish that. I will have a few more days to make final arrangements and then Maya and I will drive to Tampa to drop off the car and then fly to Miami to catch our flight to Quito. I have purchased the tickets, we are committed. I wondered for a while if I was avoiding the move to Ecuador. Of course there are always reasons to stay at home longer and prepare more and organize our lives. In truth, with the renters moving in on July 15, I could have left anytime after that, except for my passport problem. And the tasks ...

I am back in Cape Cod for the weekend. Eric has been working at the Marine Biological Laboratory in Woods Hole for five summers. He stays for eight or more weeks and I try to visit him for long weekends. For the first two years, Eric arranged for very special visits for Maya and I. We would stay at wonderful Bed and Breakfast inns and sailed and biked and took the ferry to Martha's Vineyard and visited the beach. Tara was always busy with other summer travels and projects. She came the third year when Eric had a large cabin with more than enough room for us. My nephew Edouard stayed with Eric for several weeks as well. Maya loved fishing and biking best, and we rode to Falmouth and to town regularly, and took the ferry to Martha's Vineyard for more biking. Tara was not at all enthused with the place and was uninterested in visiting more than the one time. We had the same cabin last year, and each year we have had more time with Eric. He is busy with his work in the course he t...

Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett died today. Not that I felt connected to either, but they were icons, celebrities, and everyone knew who they were. Jackson was only 50 years old, Fawcett 62. When I was at the John Lennon-Yoko Ono exhibition in Montreal, I was stunned to learn that Lennon was only 40 when he died. He was such a significant figure when I was growing up, and my impression was that he had contributed so much memorable and meaningful music, which we still hear regularly on the radio. Of course we hear Michael Jackson's music too, but he was so odd and unseemly, it was difficult for me to understand his fans and their devotion to him. Fawcett was odd too, and not a great actress, but has been in the news alot lately with regard to her struggle with cancer. The deaths remind me of the fragility of human existence. Life is now, it makes no sense to live for tomorrow. I am so lucky to be living my life day to day, to be taking advantage of this opportunity to live in Ecu...

I called the Canadian passport 1-877 number and checked on the status of my passport. Not only had it arrived at the passport facility, the file was opened and appeared to be acceptable and I should have a passport send out by July 21. I was assured that it would be sent fedex and I will receive it by July 23 (I had written on the application that my date of departure was July 23). How wonderfully friendly and efficient the French Canadian/ heavily accented but precise English/ officiant was at the other end of the line. I realized how infrequently I have positive experiences when I try to call an office and have to wade through several levels of voice commands before I give up or reach an unhelpful clerk at the other end. I fell so much better after that phone call, and hopeful that my plans to leave at the end of July remain intact. No more excuses to hold off on any decision! So many months of waiting and anticipating and worrying and enthusiasm peaking and plunging and we are almos...

I am avoiding paperwork, but that is not unusual. I prefer to see patients, to talk to my colleagues, to check my email, to call people, to do almost anything rather than attack the pile of paper that faces me as I walk into work. I am making the most of my minimalist office, with three uncomfortable chairs and my computer and printer siting precariously on two old file cabinets. I have to twist around and contort my body to type on my keyboard, so it is literally a stretch to use the computer anyway. I was reminded today that the new physician wants to move in July 1, so I have to use the last two days I am in the office to get everything out. That is in between the scheduled patients, who come every hour or half hour. My day is less hectic than it ordinarily is as I wind down my practice and say goodbye. I am not unhappy or stressed, just do not want to go file my papers. I am at my other office tomorrow where filing is not the issue, but I am behind on billing and I will have to se...

We left rainy misty Boston for hot and humid Baltimore. I did not want to leave our very comfortable hotel, which turned out to be a very entertaining place to stay in Boston. I had booked and paid for four nights, so my niece Lorna is having a hotel stay tonight in the former jail, which is now a party and restaurant scene. My original plan was to stay in the cottage in Woods Hole, which is very basic, almost rustic, but it was not ready for us until last night. The Liberty Hotel was several steps up. I am not sure that it made a difference to Eric, but Maya and I liked all the extra touches. She is particular about hotels, and likes to make her own bed and wear the bathrobe and try out all the bath products. When we travel up next weekend, we will take the bus to the Cape and check out the cabin. Our plane was several hours late, so Maya missed half of her ballet camp today. I was relieved that I had not booked any patients. I had little time between dropping Maya off at ballet and ...

I had planned for rain and cold weather and had been unprepared for the heat and humidity in Boston the last few days. Yesterday was sunny and gorgeous, today it was rainy and misty and cool all day. We walked the length and breadth of the city for the last two days. Yesterday we crossed the Charles River from our very interesting hotel. We are staying at a converted jail called the 'Liberty Hotel', and an effort has made to preserve much of the character of the prison. The hotel is very popular and on both Friday and Saturday night, the lobby has been packed with revelers. Maya and I had a drink at the bar Friday after we arrived and the crowds at the bar were six to eight people deep! Maya was uncomfortable trying to balance her Shirley Temple with all the jostling enthusiasm around her, so I joined her in our room with my mojito. The room has floor to ceiling windows with views of hte Boston skyline. Monica and Thierry joined us with Kaspar and Lorna after breakfast yesterd...

Today was a preparation for Ecuador. We went dancing at a club in Cambridge and had a salsa lesson to start. Eric and I have learned the salsa before and so it will not take long to get our dancing legs back. We plan to dance regularly in Ecuador! I dragged Eric to his first dance class when I just met him in Salt Lake City, and he absolutely hated it. I was intrigued with the tango, but it was not the first type of dance to introduce to a novice who does not feel the rhythm. Pregnancy and a baby gave him a year or two reprieve, but when we moved to Baltimore we took a salsa class together and Eric enjoyed himself. Every several weeks the class would meet at a club and dance freely. I loved dressing up in my three inch heels and a flouncy dress, Eric in proper shoes and attire, and move with the music. Eric did well and kept adding more and more moves to his repertoire. I am not sure what happened, perhaps just life happened and we stopped going to clubs and improving our dance. Later ...

I am choosing to be calm for today. I sent my passport forms with photo via fedex and am trusting that in four weeks I will receive a new passport and will preserve my Brasil visa and be ready to go. If that does not work I will drive to Canada once again to go through the appropriate steps to acquire a new passport. And we will travel to Ecuador by the end of July as per our original plans. When I have to get a visa I will simply travel to Peru or Columbia and apply for one and everything will work out. In the interim, I will finish packing up the house (will this ordeal ever be over?), finalize the details of transferring all my patients and closing all accounts at the office, say good-bye to friends and colleagues and patients and finish up my life here. Sometimes it feels as if the concluding of my life here is the adventure, as much as the year in Eucador is. I have been preparing in some way for months and months, and now with the move to Ecuador so near, of course there is an o...

Tonight was the night for extermination. Our renters will not be happy if there are mice scurrying all over, or ant armies trailing through the kitchen. The rodents have truly taken over, and Eric and I have long ago given up the fight and tolerated their presence. Our new property manager ( the real estate agent in her new role) was firm with us; the mice had to go. With Elmer away from the house, we can use more toxic methods to eliminate our pests. Our neighbours across the street had struggled for years with their pesky mice and had found this particular fellow who had worked all of one night and scared all the mice away permanently (perhaps they moved over to our house). 'At Once Termite and Pest Control' was unable to guarantee me success forever, but felt they could make a difference, at least through the winter while the renters were in the house, but that was good enough. I am regularly horrified to hear them scrambling around in the walls while I am sleeping or runni...

I have been distraught all day. Why did I not think to get a new passport in Canada? We were in Ottawa and Montreal, on weekdays when passport offices were open and I could have had a passport in 24 hours! Instead, I have run all over Baltimore simply to get a photograph that will fit the very stringent Canadian specifications ( or at least I hope so), and will fedex it back to Gatineau (right across the river from Ottawa) and will wait 'up to four weeks' for my passport. Eric will not be able to put me on his visa, I have to wait a little longer to buy a ticket for Quito, when I am in Ecuador I will have to try to get a visa by leaving the country and re-entering. Just makes our lives complicated. Not sure why I had not thought to take care of this when it would have been easy! I can see that Eric is frustrated with me, with himself...we did not need more stress! Meanwhile we continue to pack up more and more boxes. I pack up everything I see and then ask for more boxes and pa...

I have just picked up the absolute worst passport photograph I have ever seen. Do I really look that frightfully awful?. This is the second time I have been horrified by my photograph. I ripped the first version up four weeks ago and returned for another try at the only photo place for Canadian passports nearby, and would have ripped this one up but we have to get our visa and the only thing that is holding us up is my passport, which expires in March of 2010, but has to be valid throughout our stay. I had Eric pick it up and when we met he advised me not to look at the photo; of course I had to and have been depressed ever since. I look in the mirror and see a decent looking middle aged woman; then I look at this nightmarish person who will grace my passport for the next five years and I cringe. Is this about not accepting that I am old and deteriorating? Or is it simply that I cannot tolerate such an offensive representation of me? Or am I simply vain and self conscious? I spent an a...

We met the new renter today, at least one fifth to one third of the renters ( husband, wife and son will be at the house year-round and college age daughter and son will visit throughout the year). Stu came bouncing up the driveway, unfazed by the piles of detritus in the yard, the garage crammed in every corner with unimpressive junk, boxes open and overflowing in every room. It was clear that he empathized with our struggles, he and his wife having started the process of 'dejunkifying' their home in Connecticut. He wanted to be sure there was enough room in the our home for his furniture and belongings. I think we almost passed the examination, but there is some concern that if there is not enough room because we have left too much behind, that we will be expected to provide them with a storage unit! Tonight will be an allnighter as we pack up enough so the movers can do their job tomorrow. Eric is out now discussing writing a book about Ecuador with Carlos, who was a Woodrow...

I have been anticipating this feeling of freedom, which is (finally) lifting my spirits and moving me forward. Moving to Ecuador is so much more for me than taking a year off work or exploring a new culture and language. I am leaving my life behind and starting an entirely new one, one in which I have all sorts of choices to be whomever or pursue whatever direction I want. I feel unburdened by so many details of the life I spent my adulthood building, a life I was mostly quite satisfied with. I see the next several months as being entirely open to all sorts of possibilities and am eager for the challenges waiting for me. So it no longer feels burdensome to pack boxes. I feel a surge of relief with every box I tape shut. And I am entertained. I found a DVD of Tara when she was about three and visiting Disneyland with my friend Susan and another of Maya at the Montreal Jazz Festival in 2000 with Susan and Noel. I wish I had videotaped more events in their lives; I have photographed reg...

Eric drove most of the way, Maya slept soundly, and I drifted in and out of consciousness and felt good enough to drive that last three hours while Eric snored. Perhaps this drive was not a great idea, because both Eric and I were exhausted when we got home and I did not feel like doing much. Eric made an appointment with the Apple store (again) to have his phone replaced (the fourth one I think) and my computer needs major repairs at great cost, but perhaps worth it because buying a new one is far more expensive. I pushed myself to take a ninety minute hot yoga class to start sweating off the results of all the yummy food we have been eating. When I got home, Eric was napping, Maya was reading Harry Potter and I found myself less enthusiastic about packing up the house ( a familiar feeling). We have developed a pattern whereby when I am eager to work, Eric wants to rest, when he is ready to go, I find other more important things to do, somehow we are not in tune when it comes to the h...

Driving back to Baltimore in the dead of night. Fog, long wait at the border with lots of odd questions too, staying awake or taking cat-naps. Edouard has set up the computer for my parents and my father seems absolutely delighted. It took so much convincing and pushing to make this happen, and my mother remains skeptical, but so far we have video-chatted twice and my father is involved and interested and happy about it. Whew! My mother remains resistant and I doubt she will take the time to learn how to use the computer, but she is enjoying the video-chat already. I wish we had done this years ago, but Eric reminds me that the video-chat/skype technology has been available only six months now, so we made it happen at exactly the right time. Edouard has gone through the various steps over and over with my father, but I believe that as long as it all goes well, he will be fine, but as soon as there is a serious glitch, it will be too hard to make it work again. We will use it regularly ...

We walked and walked all day today, first for a good coffee (my mother always advises us to try a Canadian coffee shop called 'Second Cup') and then down St. Catherine's to the Apple store to have my computer looked at (I dropped it) and Eric's cell phone replaced (it is his third lemon in the year since he bought it but we are still devoted Apple fans). Our next destination was St. Laurent for lunch at Schwarz's; I don't think Maya or Eric or Karen were too impressed. I once lived not far from St. Laurent, so it was familiar territory. My favorite deli was Ben's, which was in an entirely different part of the city, but closed a few years ago. It was an all night diner and served a huge and varied menu including yummy cheese blintzes. St Laurent was popular not only for smoked meat, but also for the best bagels ever. Funny how one remembers places for the food one ate! There is so much construction going on in Montreal. Many corners have changed,  yet so muc...

I am sitting on a bed in our hotel room in Montreal listening to Maya learn a new violin piece with my sister. My sister once played the violin, so they speak the same language. Maya gets so frustrated with me and vice versa whenever we practice together, so this is a treat for both of us. We left Kingston this morning to meet my parents in Ottawa for another few hours and ate more food and said our good-byes again and again. We dreamed about meeting in Cuba next February, but that is unlikely. I cannot imagine my parents will travel much anymore. This visit was a stretch for them. Montreal beckons. We are staying on Sherbrooke near McGill, and the streets of full of people on a Wednesday night. We were referred to '3 Brasseurs' on Ste Catherine's for dinner; not very good food but according to Eric and Karen the beer was excellent. We have eaten so well these past three days, not just well but huge amounts, so we had hoped for a small bit of 'good enough' food. Er...

I had a discussion with my sister about our experiences as young adults. Our parents were proud of us but not excessively so. None of our graduations were celebrated, as if they were just routine. My niece Lorna called her family in France and there too the event is not as marked an occasion as it is here in North America. Perhaps this is the way it should be. My father looked so proud to see his grand-daughter graduate from Queen's University. Perhaps it is a different time of his life, when everything that happens with the family is more precious and memorable. My sister and her husband made the occasion momentous. I found myself simply pleased to see the three sisters and the three generations together. Maya was ecstatic to have so much family around her. She asked me tonight if I would let her stay with her grandparents for longer and I wish I could put her on a plane for a few extra days with them. My mother kept asking if this was the last time that I would see them, and cert...

I found myself to be an excellent 'guesser' today. My brother-in-law had compiled a list of twelve questions about the Rideau Canal, which we were to learn about as we drove and visited the sites and museums along the way. Eric, Maya, and I stayed in Ottawa for the day and missed the leisurely drive. Eric had appointments with colleagues at the University and Maya and I visited the Museum of Civilization and marveled at the towering totem poles from the coastal Indian tribes. I was born in Vancouver, British Columbia and lived the first several years of my life there and again wondered what my life would have been like had we stayed there. Who would I be and what would I be doing with my life? Would I have studied medicine and practiced as a psychiatrist? I imagine I would not be moving to Ecuador next month! Maya was impressed with the exhibitions at the museum (it is not so easy to impress nine year olds, I have discovered). I was intrigued by the architecture (Cardinal has d...

Ottawa is a beautiful city for five months of the year. Otherwise it is brutally cold. Of course, the natives are into winter sports and enjoy the canal and skating and cross country skiing and snowshoeing. For now, it is sunny and the sky is blue and the location of the city on the river/canal is stunning. The old parliament buildings are well preserved and very imposing. My parents and sisters are staying at the local Fairmont hotel, which looks like a castle near the government buildings. It is a lovely hotel from the times of the railroad barons, with a history of visits from royalty and celebrities; photos of past glory line every wall. The swimming pool in the basement is stately and in art deco style. Otherwise the style is late 1800's and early 1900's, updated but retaining the glory of the past. We stayed at a perfectly acceptable Crowne Plaza ( and much less expensive) and walked to the Fairmont for breakfast and exploring. We passed the parliament buildings and scor...

As much as yesterday felt like the end of all that was familiar in my life, today was a new beginning. Not that we did much today. We woke up later than usual, packed up, and headed for Ottawa. For the next ten hours! The Pennsylvania police were out in force, so we were stopped outside of Harrisburg going 13 miles per hour over the speed limit. The ticket itself was supposedly only $25, but added to that were all sorts of extra fees for different services, ending at $109. After that Eric slowed down, and the drive was endless. I have no problem with long drives. I do not get irritable or agitated, which is what I would expect, considering that I am stuck in an uncomfortable seat and I can't sleep or read or entertain myself. And Maya keeps asking 'Are we there yet?'. I like that I am moving, that the scenery is gorgeous, That Eric and I can talk and neither of us can go anywhere or avoid the conversation. We are sitting next to each other and there are hours and hours to c...

My friend Emily came over this afternoon to help me pack up my crystal. Somehow with her encouragement, I was able to get motivated and actually accomplish something! The house does not look different, but I know that there is progress, so I feel a little better. Eric has arranged to have our movers come a few days after we return from Canada. Maya and I will be living with one bed and personal items, no furniture,; Eric will be at Woods Hole. I expected to feel lighter, less burdened, more hopeful. That has not happened yet. I am depressed about losing my practice, losing my home, losing my daughter, losing my family, losing my income, what else am I losing? I must start looking at what I am going to learn and experience and enjoy during my time in Ecuador. I have been wallowing in this place of loss for weeks now, and I am incapable of looking forward and anticipating the excitement of the move. Which is the only way to do this! I will start by bringing my Spanish books with me on th...